522s What To Say When A "Vanisher" Comes Back... images and subtitles

Hey, Mat Boggs here and today we’re going to talk about vanishers who reappear intoyour life and then what you can actually say to get clarity on what’s been going on andhow to progress the relationship forward. You’ve probably experienced this. A lotof my clients have experienced this as well. One of my clients was recently asking me,“What do I say? Because it’s awkward. Like I don’t want to just go on anotherdate with this guy and he’s texting me, ‘Hey what are you up to? What’s goingon? What are you doing this weekend?’” She’s like, “What do I say?”The first thing that you want to focus on is your mindset, right? The first mindsetis don’t take it personal. It really doesn’t have anything to do with you, it has to dowith this other person. And remember, when you’re dating, your job is just to discoverwho they really are and whether or not they’re your man or not. So you want to remove anyof the emotional charge from it. Well, how do you do that? The way you do that is thatyou come from this place of love abundance. Imagine right now that you had five amazingguys all texting you, all wanting to take you out, and here this vanisher vanished fora couple weeks and then reappears into your life. How would you respond? It really wouldn’tbe that big of a deal. There wouldn’t be a lot of emotional charge. You wouldn’tbe prickly or icy or irritated about it. It’d be like, “Oh, hey. Where’ve you been?”Like there would be zero emotional charge. So bring yourself to this love abundance state.Let that drive your mentality and drive your emotional state. That’s number one.And number two: feel free to be direct. Feel free to be assertive because direct, assertiveenergy demands respect. Remember, we teach people how to treat us by the treatment we’rewilling to accept. Let me say that again. We teach people how to treat us by the treatmentthat we’re willing to accept. And so chances are you don’t want to accept treatment wheresomeone says they’re going to do something and then they don’t do it. So let’s sayyou’re in a scenario where a guy tells you, “Hey, I’ll call you tomorrow,” or, “I’lltext you in a couple days,” and then it’s been a couple of weeks and you haven’t heardfrom him. So he vanished and then all of a sudden you get this text that says, “Hey.What’s up?” or, “Hey, how can you been?” Now, remember the main reason he’s textingyou and opening this conversation again is because he wants to hang out with you. Soit will get to the point where he’ll ask to see you again. So the first response thatyou want is to come from love abundance, that you’re living this life that you love. Soyou could write something back like, “Having a great week! You?” And then at that point,he may come up with an excuse and tell you, “Hey, I’ve been traveling. Work’s beenreally busy. But what are you up to this weekend?” Or he may not. He may just say, “What areyou up to this weekend?” At that point, if he asks you the question, “What are youup to this weekend?” and he doesn’t directly ask you out, you want to implement the porcupinetechnique. And the porcupine technique goes like this.If someone were to toss you’re a porcupine and you were to catch it, you don’t wantto hang onto it because it’s prickly, so you toss it right back. So if he texts youand says, “Hey, what are you up to this weekend?” you don’t have to answer andsay, “Well, I don’t have any plans,” or, “I’m not going anything cool,” youcan just text him back and say, “Why? What’s up?” And then he’ll say, “Hey, do youwant to get together? There’s this really cool jazz festival,” or really cool thisand that. When he does that, you want to text back and say, “I could be up for that, andactually I have a quick question for you. Give me a call when you can.” Right? Soyou’re letting him know you could be up for that. There’s an opening there. “I’vegot a quick question for you. Give me a call when you can.” So he’ll call you up andsay, “Hey, what’s up?” And you can say, “Hey. Thanks so much for calling. And Iactually wanted to clear something up with you if that’s cool.”So at that point, that’s the shock across the bow that something’s off, right? Andat that moment, he’ll say, “Yeah, what’s up?” And then at this point, you just wantto call out the elephant in the room. And you could say something like this: “Thelast time we were hanging out, you told me you were going to call me in a couple of daysand it’s actually been a couple of week, which is totally cool by the way, and I justwant to let you know that I’m really not interested in hanging out with guys who don’tfollow through and guys who vanish and then reappear. I am interested, however, in hangingout with someone who follows through and does what it is that they say, and actually I findthat sexy.” And here’s where you want to let them knowthat it was disappointing to you because you actually like them, that they didn’t callback. Because that shows that you actually have an opening for them, that there is someattraction there. You can say something like this: “You know, when you didn’t callme back, honestly, I was a little disappointed because I think you’re intriguing, I thinkyou’re cool. But I’m not interested in hanging out with people who are vanishers.So I’d love to hang out with you again and I just want you to be honest with me. Areyou going to be the guy who says some things and then vanishes? Or are you going to bethe guy who follows through on what he says?” And here’s what’s interesting. When youput it this way, what you’re doing is you’re calling him to a higher level of being. You’recalling him to becoming his best self, right? You’re asking him to step up. And two thingsare going to happen. And when you’re this direct, it’s fantastic because you’reactually going to get to see who he really is on the inside. One of two things are goingto happen. Either he’s going to own it, he’s going to take responsibility, he’sgoing to apologize and say, “You know what? You’re right. I did tell you I was goingto call. I didn’t call. I apologize, and I am the guy who follows through and I wouldlove to go out with you.” Or he’s going to be the guy who gets defensive, who getsoffended, who makes excuses and starts blaming and he’ll say, “Oh, well, you know, workwas really busy and it’s only been a couple weeks,” and he’ll try to minimize whatit is that you’re saying. He’ll try to make it not a big deal and make you the badperson. “You know, this really isn’t that big of a deal. I don’t know why you’remaking this such a big deal.” Either way is okay. You’re not judging howthey respond. You’re discovering how they respond because what you’re looking foris whether or not – because how he responds in this situation (because this is a tinypiece of friction) is actually going to be how he responds in bigger challenges whenyou’re in a relationship with him. So you’re really interested in looking at how is heresponding when there’s a little bump in the road? Because how he responds to thisis how he’s going to respond later down the road. So your job is just to discoverhim. Don’t feel bad, don’t let him make you feel bad or feel like, “God, this reallyisn’t a big deal,” because breaking your word, putting yourself outside of integrityis a big deal when you’re starting a relationship with someone.Let me remind you, when you meet the right guy, it’s really tough to screw up the rightthing. When you meet the right guy, he’s going to follow through on his word and it’sgoing to be easy. So you’re really looking for how he responds here, right? And the coolthing is when you’re direct and when you’re assertive and when you say, “Hey, you know,I was disappointed when you didn’t follow through because I was actually excited abouthanging out with you. And I just want to know are you the kind of guy who follows throughor are you not?” and you give him a chance to step up into his best self, right? Whenyou do that, that demands respect because that shows that you have self-respect andyou know that you’re worthy of being in relationships that are congruent and of integrity,right? So no matter how he responds, own that for yourself and own that courage and bravery,and know that that’s the right move that you made.Because here’s the deal. Chances are he’s going to step up and say, “No, I am theguy who actually follows through,” and you’ll go out on a great date with him. And evenif he doesn’t, he’ll fall way from your life, making space for your right man to comeinto your life. Because know this: that your man is looking for you right now. So staytrue to yourself, stay true to your values, be assertive enough to stand up for thosevalues, and that puts you on the path to the relationship you’ve always wanted.So I hope this serves you. I hope you found value in this video. If you know that thiswill serve someone else, please send it to someone that you love and you care about.Also post a comment. I’d love to hear your thoughts about this video in the commentssection below. And, as always, there’s a link in the description below this video tohelp you attract the love that you’ve always wanted and create the relationship that you’vealways wanted as well. If you’re not subscribed, make sure you get subscribed to this channelso you can get the latest and greatest videos. Thanks so much for watching. I’ll talk toyou soon.

What To Say When A "Vanisher" Comes Back...

Get More Great Tips - SUBSCRIBE! www.youtube.com/channel/UCSNdh3JaCS6OqNyJqUWIs2w Get Your Free e-Book on Feminine Qualities Men Love! Click here: bit.ly/29Z1fdE If you'd like the script for what to say when your vanisher re-appears, I've included that for you below... What to say when your "vanisher" reappears and wants to hang out again... "Thanks so much for calling, and I actually wanted to clear something up with you if that's cool. The last time we were hanging out, you told me you were going to call me in a couple of days, and it's actually been a couple of weeks -- which is totally cool by the way. And I want you to know, that I’m really not interested in guys who don't follow through -- with guys who vanish and then re-appear. I am interested, however, in hanging out with someone who follows through and does what it is that they say, and actually I find that sexy. When you didn’t call me back, honestly, I was a little disappointed, because I think you’re intriguing. I think you're cool. But I’m not interested in hanging out with people who are vanishers. I’d love to hang out with you again, and I'd love for you to be honest with me, are you gonna be the guy who vanishes, or are the guy who follows through on what he says?" Remember, the most important part of this strategy is to be relaxed, cool, and unattached to their answer. You're looking to see how he responds to your request that he shows up with more integrity. LET’S STAY CONNECTED! www.facebook.com/matboggsfantwitter.com/mathewboggswww.crackingthemancode.comprojecteverlasting.com/ Mat Boggs Bio: As a sought-after dating and relationship coach for women and international speaker, Mat Boggs has helped thousands of women understand men, improve their relationships, and attract the relationship they want. As the best-selling author of Project Everlasting, and creator of Cracking The Man Code, Mat Boggs’ dating and relationship advice has been featured on national media including The Today Show, CNN, Headline News, Oprah and Friends, and many more. Mat’s Mission: To increase love in the world, one heart at a time. As a dating coach for women, Mat believes that your history does not determine your destiny, and that you are more powerful than any circumstance you are facing. The relationship dream in your heart really can become the life you love living! Mat Boggs highly acclaimed relationship programs have served women around the world in all age groups from 20yrs old to over 70yrs old. If you’re interested in receiving help attracting love or improving your relationship click here: www.crackingthemancode.com/coaching/ Related Topics: Dating Advice For Women Relationship Advice For Women Relationship Coach For Women Dating Coach For Women Dating, Relationships, understanding men, Dating Advice, Love Advice Relationship Advice, How Men Think, What Men Want, What attracts men, How to attract a man, how to create lasting love, how to know if he likes you, signs your man likes you.
matthew boggs, why does he, dating, love, love help, relationship coach, dating help, relationship advice, break the man code, cracking the man code, crack the man code, understand my boyfriend, what men want, project everlasting, relationships, understanding men, breaking the man code, dating coach, love advice, mathew boggs, what men think, dating advice, matt boggs, mat boggs, understand men,
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< start="371.27" dur="4.44">responding when there’s a little bump in the road? Because how he responds to this>

< start="375.71" dur="4.37">is how he’s going to respond later down the road. So your job is just to discover>

< start="380.08" dur="3.959">him. Don’t feel bad, don’t let him make you feel bad or feel like, “God, this really>

< start="384.039" dur="5.59">isn’t a big deal,” because breaking your word, putting yourself outside of integrity>

< start="389.629" dur="2.85">is a big deal when you’re starting a relationship with someone.>

< start="392.479" dur="4.89">Let me remind you, when you meet the right guy, it’s really tough to screw up the right>

< start="397.369" dur="2.97">thing. When you meet the right guy, he’s going to follow through on his word and it’s>

< start="400.339" dur="5.521">going to be easy. So you’re really looking for how he responds here, right? And the cool>

< start="405.86" dur="4.329">thing is when you’re direct and when you’re assertive and when you say, “Hey, you know,>

< start="410.189" dur="3.75">I was disappointed when you didn’t follow through because I was actually excited about>

< start="413.939" dur="2.99">hanging out with you. And I just want to know are you the kind of guy who follows through>

< start="416.929" dur="5.32">or are you not?” and you give him a chance to step up into his best self, right? When>

< start="422.249" dur="5.4">you do that, that demands respect because that shows that you have self-respect and>

< start="427.649" dur="4.88">you know that you’re worthy of being in relationships that are congruent and of integrity,>

< start="432.529" dur="6.06">right? So no matter how he responds, own that for yourself and own that courage and bravery,>

< start="438.589" dur="2.23">and know that that’s the right move that you made.>

< start="440.819" dur="4">Because here’s the deal. Chances are he’s going to step up and say, “No, I am the>

< start="444.819" dur="4.4">guy who actually follows through,” and you’ll go out on a great date with him. And even>

< start="449.219" dur="4.72">if he doesn’t, he’ll fall way from your life, making space for your right man to come>

< start="453.939" dur="6.66">into your life. Because know this: that your man is looking for you right now. So stay>

< start="460.599" dur="5.34">true to yourself, stay true to your values, be assertive enough to stand up for those>

< start="465.939" dur="4.081">values, and that puts you on the path to the relationship you’ve always wanted.>

< start="470.02" dur="4.329">So I hope this serves you. I hope you found value in this video. If you know that this>

< start="474.349" dur="4.63">will serve someone else, please send it to someone that you love and you care about.>

< start="478.979" dur="3.9">Also post a comment. I’d love to hear your thoughts about this video in the comments>

< start="482.879" dur="4.43">section below. And, as always, there’s a link in the description below this video to>

< start="487.309" dur="4.57">help you attract the love that you’ve always wanted and create the relationship that you’ve>

< start="491.879" dur="4.201">always wanted as well. If you’re not subscribed, make sure you get subscribed to this channel>

< start="496.08" dur="3.139">so you can get the latest and greatest videos. Thanks so much for watching. I’ll talk to>

< start="499.219" dur="0.1">you soon.>